They're so hot, they're making me sexist. Bastards.
This post wasn’t actually brought to you by Flight of the Conchords, but it was brought to you by several things, including but not limited to: Bota Box Shiraz, two lovely ladies and fellow contributors to assist me, and Milo the Cat.
The Lovely Ladies
Alright, down to business. Like I said, WINE. Pour yourself a glass. Or three. Or pour yourself a whatever; I don’t care, just get it done. This curry doesn’t take a whole lot of effort, or even super-complex ingredients, but it does need a little time so you’ll want to be sure you have something delicious to sip on.
I almost always make a green halibut Indonesian-style curry. It’s not that I don’t enjoy or appreciate other curries (well, that’s a lie. I’m actually not really down with Indian curry. I just don’t care for it, ok? Give me a lamb-something that’s Indian and lots of garlic-cilantro naan to eat it with, and I’m fine. Otherwise, I don’t care for it) but I’m really just partial to this particular curry. Furthermore, The Wife (Margaret) requests it just about as often as she requests my pork adobo - another time, kids - which is to say, constantly.
If you don’t remember my last post, here are a few ground rules:
1. Don’t sass me.
2. Pour yourself a draaaaaank before you get underway. It helps. Swearsies.
3. Understand that there is a lot of room for variation in these dishes, so adapt it for your own tastes/whatever you have on hand, within reason.
Ingredients, assemble!
Green Halibut Curry
Oil, such as canola or peanut oil (olive in a pinch; something with a higher smoke point is better if you’ve got it)
1-2 large shallots, halved and sliced thinly
1 ½ to 2 tblsp green curry paste, Mae Ploy if you can get it (for the love of Christ, stay away from Thai Kitchen)
½ a yellow onion, sliced in to ½ inch chunks
¾ lb crimini mushrooms, quartered
2-ish crowns of broccoli
1 bell pepper; red/yellow/orange are best to add some color
1-ish lbs of small red or Yukon potatoes with the skin on
2-inch chunk of ginger, sliced thinly (peel it with a paring knife or leave the skin on)
4 garlic cloves, minced
2 cans of coconut milk, preferably light
1 – 1 ½ tblsp fish sauce (this is some smelly stuff – be wary and keep it in the pot or else you will smell of The Fermented Sea Apocalypse forever and ever)
4-6 lime leaves
1-2 lbs of halibut, depending on how many you’re feeding and how much you have
Handful of cilantro, chopped roughly
Small handful of Thai (or regular, if you can’t find Thai) basil, chopped roughly
A lime or two, sliced for squeezin'
Choppity-chop-chop
Heat up a wok, a really wide and deep skillet, or a Dutch oven - whatever you’ve got that’s closest. It needs to be pretty dang hot. Throw some oil in there, about a tablespoon. Once it’s hot, throw in your shallots and move those suckers around in the pan with your stirring implement of choice. After they start to get translucent and then a bit crisp, add the green curry paste. Obvs adding less will make it a little more mild and adding more will make it more spicy, but green curry is meant to be an herbaceous, medium-heat curry. Get the green curry incorporated with the shallots, add a little more oil if necessary, and then throw in your mushrooms and onions with just a sprinkle of salt to help draw out the moisture.
I put the bell pepper in a bit early; I'm a rebel like that.
You can leave those on their own for the most part – move them around a bit so that the onions don’t get too brown but you can finish your last minute prep right now if you need to, such as cutting up the fish. I like to do large chunks, about an inch square, but you can do them a bit smaller if you prefer. Halibut will flake nicely so you’ll end up with bite size pieces anyway and keeping them a little larger will help you control the cooking process better, especially if you’re not totally comfortable with cooking fish. Put the fish aside in a bowl with some salt & pepper.
Many thanks to Margaret's dad, who doesn't know he contributed this delicious halibut.
Put your potatoes into a bowl with some water and toss some plastic wrap over the top, then put it in the microwave for about five minutes. You want to par-cook the potatoes so that they cook faster in your curry while absorbing the flaaaavas. Throw your broccoli and bell pepper into the pan and get it moving around with all the other goodness; after a couple of minutes, throw in the garlic and ginger. After about thirty seconds, empty your cans of coconut milk into the pan and add the fish sauce, stirring well. Throw the lime leaves in, turn the heat to low, and throw a half-cocked lid over that bad boy. I recommend eating rice with this (I guess you could eat it as-is, but I’m all about shamelessly doubling up on the carbs) or maybe some kind of rice noodle, so get your rice or whatevs going while your curry slightly simmers away.
Don't be a bunch of filthy perverts (like Liz). It's just coconut milk in slow-motion.
While that’s all doing its thaaaang and getting happy, slice some limes into squeezable chunks, then chop up the cilantro and Thai basil. I happen to have some nice little ramekins that I put each of these into, because I’m fancy as fuck like that. However, you can literally throw it all in a bowl or pile it on a plate or do whatever you gots to do. If you’re working with larger chunks of fish, put it into the curry about ten minutes before the rice is done, gently folding it in so that it gets covered with yummy, thickened coconut milk.
Mmm...like so.
FINALLY, once the rice is done (man, seriously, rice and I aren’t friends. Half the time I totally eff it up – like I did this time – and have to start over. Rice and frosting: they are both a culinary Waterloo for me) and the curry has been getting happy for awhile, put that good stuff in a bowl.
Sprinkle your lovely additions over it with maybe some soy sauce/Braggs amino acids, perhaps some Sriracha, and then put your face in that bowl. For real.
Face.
Bowl.
Repeat.
We played the new Santigold album, Master of My Make Believe, which I have been digging on for the last week or so because NPR had it up on their First Listen site, along with new Rufus Wainwright, the new Royal Headache, and the new Norah Jones/Dangermouse collaboration.
After a couple glasses of wine, we also listened to some Pitbull. Keep your shade to yourself, haters.
We don't know how to use a webcam, or edit videos;
We secretly desire to become Youtube sensations.
Moral of the story, KDP video blogs are only going to be a special occasion event.
Here are some pics from the day (especially of the camera shy Liz and Mags)
Matzo Brei
Yes, it looks like cat vomit.
(serves 2)
You'll need:
2 sheets of matzo (or 14, depending on how you roll)
2 eggs (or 8, see above)
salt
pepper
2 tbsp vegetable oil
-Break the matzo into 1/2 inch pieces. Put in a bowl. Rinse under hot tap water for 30 seconds. Drain.
-Whisk eggs in another bowl. Mix matzo and eggs, season with salt and pepper. -
-heat oil in a skillet. Put batter in skillet, either in one fell swoop or in smaller pancake style discs.
-Fry into golden.
Cookie Butter
Tasty things to make them taste like something:
applesauce
yogurt
cookie butter
peanut butter
pesto
sriracha
fruit
cinnamon
nutmeg
syrup
jam
peanut sauce
Music Land: I just posted about this, but we legit spent the weekend listening to Of Monsters and Men. See my previous post.
Sorry, I had to learn my way around iMovie (let's be honest, Mag's did the majority of it).
But video blog easter egg- There might be some David Bowie love in KDP's future.
So, I'm the 'mostly silent' partner in this whole KDP blog, but my own pride and my own shame have finally played enough of a part to convince me that it was time to actually make an effort and write up a post. In my own defense, several half-assed efforts have been made in the past, but none have yet come to a complete fruition. Until now!
Aren't you lucky?
In an effort to really impress - or not - I'm giving you the DL on how to roast a whole chicken. That's right, the whole shoot'n'match. One bird, one pan, one temperature setting = BOOYAH. All up in your mouth. Starch, veggies, protein... I'm not kidding. This is a one-pan meal and you'd best believe it, because it's tasty as all get-out and easier than the simplest of pies to boot.
The first step, of course, is to pour yourself a draaaaaank.
Oh, please. Don't give me that look. Did you think this was some kind of fancy blog? Well, you were wrong. Around here we may not be 70/30 on store-bought v. fresh ingredients, but we certainly follow the Sandra Lee example example of cocktail hour. So! Saddle up or piss off.
Now that we've established that properly, let me elaborate on tonight's potent potable: considering I've half a box of Bota Shiraz (again, really? You want to judge? Have you had Bota Box? They're the best damn wine available for the price 'round these here parts or any other as far as I know, so don't knock it 'til you try it), but considering that I was listening to NPR's live coverage of the 2012 Republican Super Tuesday Primaries, I was going to need something a little stronger. Double blood orange Manhattan? Why, yes, thank you. In a vintage Couroc glass? Absolutely.
Now that you're all taken care of, with whatever delectable beverage you've selected, let's move on to the edible subject at hand: dinner. The ingredients are simple and versatile, though I've assembled some of my personal favorites and near-ubiquitous ones here, for the purpose of keeping the details straightforward.
Chicken. Free-range in this case, because an organic chicken in Alaska costs approximately $8,000 if you're not living on a farm in the Matanuska valley. I don't know about y'all, but I just don't have the sort of money for organic meat unless it comes as a gift from someone with a boat or a gun, so I do what I can with the options I have. Potatoes are a natural complement to roasting chicken - put one atop the potatoes and they get all covered and cooked in the glorious, deliciously flavorful fat of the chicken as it cooks away. How could you possibly argue that? As for a veggie, I chose the half an onion hanging about in the fridge and some zucchini in this case because it was on sale - however, broccoli or brussels sprouts are as equally delectable an option.
Excuse me?
You don'tlike brussels sprouts? In fact, you hate them?
Child, you shut your whore mouth when you're talking about brussels sprouts. Clearly, you haven't the faintest idea what's going on. Steamed sprouts, with no seasoning, could honestly be the Devil's own work. However, have you ever had them roasted? In olive oil, or butter, or chicken fat? With salt, pepper, and garlic? If you have, there is no possible way you'd bother to argue. So knock it off.
Alright. You've got the protein, atop the starch and the veggies. "Seasonings" are salt & pepper - flavors are enhanced, in this case, with garlic and smoked paprika. Whilst the oven has been heating up to 450 degrees F, smash some garlic cloves to throw in the cavity along with salt & pepper. The potatoes, already quartered, should be in your largest cast iron skillet - or a Pyrex dish, if you don't have cast iron (you don't have cast iron?! Christ) - with olive oil, salt/pepper/powdered garlic already on them. Truss up the legs of your chicken and put it breast-side down on the foundation. Salt & pepper the hell out of it, then flip it breast-side up and repeat. DO NOT SKIMP on your seasoning. The skin needs to be crispy, salty, and flavorful. I don't care if you're worried about your figure and you're going to toss the skin anyway - DO IT.
Let me clarify: I'm not interested in your sass.
Now that it's all good to go, put your skillet'o'goodness into the oven. After 45 minutes, pull that sucker out of the oven and arrange your chopped zucchini (what, you haven't already sliced and prepped them?) around the bird and then place it back in the oven for another 30 minutes. After the 30 minutes is up, take erry'thang out of the oven and let it rest, uncovered, for 10 minutes. The bird I had was 4.75 lbs, so I went just over 15/min a lb and then some with the rest period and everything was lovely. Meat cooks as it rests, remember - so err on the side of slightly underdone, with a rest period, instead of overdoing it to begin with.
Doesn't that look amazeballs?
Especially when you're about to eat it?
Aww, yeah.
In other news, as previously mentioned most of this was enjoyed to the dick-slippin' slow jams of the idiotic Republican wannabe-nominees of the 2012 Presidential election on this most excellent Super Tuesday, as hosted oh-so-fabulously by NPR. However, I finished it out by enjoying some old but fantastic tunes by Rites of Spring.
